#4 Sacrificing the retarded to make the magic happen

Zack: Finally, a game that includes the handicapped! Sure, it's murdering them for mana points, but they have to start somewhere.

Zack: Jackie Robinson got his start being murdered by the negro leagues to teleport Babe Ruth and his massive circumference anus into the middle of a game against some cave trolls.

Steve: Subtly the creepiest thing on that list is that adults and young-adults are chained naked to an altar, but the old people and the babies are left clothed.

Zack: By the way, if you notice that number at the front of each item it has a lot of zeros. That's because this is one of many d1000 or greater random tables in the book.

Steve: Hey, sometimes the players want to know what sort of salt flakes to sprinkle over a naked 12 year old girl to give a bladder infection to a woman a mile away.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.