Steve: Cave bison!
Zack: At this point they're just sticking in versions of regular animals for every possible eventuality. Cave bison, tree alligators, sky squids.
Steve: Tundra otyughs.
Zack: For all of your piles of seal guts and soiled parkas.
Steve: Moon gorilla.
Zack: That sounds really racist, Steve. Maybe you should change that.
Steve: Okay, well, they love their giant fish. What about some sort of giant gar, like a lava gar or a field gar.
Zack: Field gar hates Moondays.
Steve: Can he defeat a lasagna golem?
Zack: I don't know, but Jim Davis just made two more t-shirts and a plush doll based on our conversation.
This Week on Something Awful...
Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
Pet Disasters!
Pictures of cute animals are taking the Internet by storm! (It's a very destructive storm.)
Convincing People to Buy Mediocre Games, PAINTBALL MAX'D
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Super Bowl Ready TV Sports Graphics!
*Galaxies and stars explode, revealing the Sports Center logo as the center of the new universe.*
About This Column
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.
Previous Articles
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: 1st Edition Fiend Folio (part 1)
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 2)
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 1)
- Rifts: Core Book
- Dungeons & Dragons: Dungeon Module S1 "Tomb of Horrors"
