Steve: Cave bison!
Zack: At this point they're just sticking in versions of regular animals for every possible eventuality. Cave bison, tree alligators, sky squids.
Steve: Tundra otyughs.
Zack: For all of your piles of seal guts and soiled parkas.
Steve: Moon gorilla.
Zack: That sounds really racist, Steve. Maybe you should change that.
Steve: Okay, well, they love their giant fish. What about some sort of giant gar, like a lava gar or a field gar.
Zack: Field gar hates Moondays.
Steve: Can he defeat a lasagna golem?
Zack: I don't know, but Jim Davis just made two more t-shirts and a plush doll based on our conversation.
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Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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About This Column
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.
Previous Articles
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: 1st Edition Fiend Folio (part 1)
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 2)
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 1)
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