Zack: I know I saw this thing in a Tool video.

Steve: Fiend Folio loves monsters that are pointless, but will, like, totally blow your mind, man.

Zack: "7' tall, naked and hairless?" Hang on, I think the description actually consists of Tool lyrics. Somebody get Maynard in here to record this thing. I'll tap on this glass with a pencil. You languidly strum a bass guitar.

Steve: Is Tool the band from Home Improvement?

Zack: What?

Steve: The Al guy with the fence and his band. And it had Tom Taylor and he made animal sounds.

Zack: Steve, half the time you say things like that you sound like some foreigner trying to surrender to an American soldier.

Steve: No, dude, it was with JT and the other kid and he made a car in his garage. They had a band on TV.

Zack: PLEASE DON'T SHOOT! I LOVE AMERICA! MICHAEL MOUSE! I DON'T THINK SO TIM! TOOL TIMES, OKAY! USA GOOD! BINFORD OKAY NUMBER ONE!

Steve: No one listens to Tool Time anyway.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.