Zack: I know I saw this thing in a Tool video.
Steve: Fiend Folio loves monsters that are pointless, but will, like, totally blow your mind, man.
Zack: "7' tall, naked and hairless?" Hang on, I think the description actually consists of Tool lyrics. Somebody get Maynard in here to record this thing. I'll tap on this glass with a pencil. You languidly strum a bass guitar.
Steve: Is Tool the band from Home Improvement?
Steve: The Al guy with the fence and his band. And it had Tom Taylor and he made animal sounds.
Zack: Steve, half the time you say things like that you sound like some foreigner trying to surrender to an American soldier.
Steve: No, dude, it was with JT and the other kid and he made a car in his garage. They had a band on TV.
Zack: PLEASE DON'T SHOOT! I LOVE AMERICA! MICHAEL MOUSE! I DON'T THINK SO TIM! TOOL TIMES, OKAY! USA GOOD! BINFORD OKAY NUMBER ONE!
Steve: No one listens to Tool Time anyway.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.