Zack: The real hook horror is when this poor guy has to zip up.
Steve: Jeez, or turn a doorknob.
Zack: It's like somebody started to copy off something from Dark Crystal and then just sighed and gave up when they got to the hands. And they started with the hands.
Steve: Actually, this fellow looks a lot like the crabman from the first part with a full-on bird head and handicapped hands.
Zack: He also looks like he just got caught trying to escape from prison and he's about to get chased out of frame by bullets from a tommy gun.
Steve: The Dame Wore Hooks!
Zack: Of all the two-copper screech caves in Underdark she had to scuttle into mine.
Steve: Her exoskeleton was all curves, like an '8' with a bird head.
Zack: Her clacking said "yes," but her hooks said "no."
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.