The entrance way seems to be impassable. A massive and foreboding double portcullis blocks the entryway of a 30' wide corridor. A breeze is gently blowing from the palace corridor and it carries with it the dust of decayed stone and the smell of decaying bodies. Occasionally sounds of pain, fright, and hunger can be heard, but they are far away and sometimes muffled, so that all that may be heard is a short piercing scream and then total silence.
Steve: That's fairly foreboding, but I am a tough man hardened by a foreboding world and will not be deterred by your average foreboding. What does it take to open this portcullis?
Zack: A combined strength of 30.
Steve: Combined with what?
Zack: The rest of the party.
Steve: Did I mention that Yngwulf, being raised by the wulves of the tundra, possess a strength of 30 through his physical conditioning and constant, wanton shredding?
Zack: You heave open the portcullis and enter the shadowy entrance of the palace. It is really spooky and mossy and there are bugs. This place is the pits.
Steve: Heh, I've seen worse. I was a roadie for Iggy Pop. I caught hepatitis three times just from reaching into boxes and bags.
Zack: The room branches into two hallways, both leading south.
Steve: I will go with the one on the right, because the left hand is the sinister hand and south paws shred pitifully weak.
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.