Zack: The next day as you are traveling towards the foreboding mountains you encounter a trader and his ox-drawn wagon along the road.
Steve: Well met, yon traveler, it is good to see an honest face of a person. I am Yngwulf Maimsteen, and I have just come from the greatest concert of all history, where from do you hail?
Zack: "I am Lamdomon," answers the trader, "I am a simple tinker and trader. I travel the lands fixing broken things. This is my daughter, Zappora."
Steve: Is she hot?
Zack: Not really.
Steve: Well, okay, scale of one to ten, because I've been sleeping outside and playing concerts for skeletons, so my standards are probably a little relaxed.
Zack: She's maybe a Sigil 4, but a Gulluvia 7.
Steve: Well hello there fair damsel, it is good to meet one so fine and beautiful such as yourself. Also to meet you, Lamdo. I am an extremely wealthy traveling musician. Maybe the most famous of all.
Zack: They haven't heard of you.
Steve: Do they have anything to trade?
Zack: "Alas I have only some pots and pans and whatever gossip I have picked up in my travels, but I provide that free of charge."Steve: Fiiiiiine. I ask him about the Silver Princess.
Zack: "Oh most beautiful lady of antiquity, she was said to possess a ruby as large as an ox's bollock. Her palace is only right over the mountain there."
Steve: Okay, these people are lame and I'm not buying a pot. I'm going to travel up the mountain and go to the palace.
Zack: They bid you farewell and you set off up into the foreboding mountains in search of the entrance of the Palace of the Silver Princess. After an exhausting journey you reach the top of the mountain and spy the ruin palace in the valley below.Steve: Alright, I strap my axe onto my back and head for the entrance.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.