Zack: Kip Amadeus Bleh AKA Baron Morbid Sadsack from Barf Murder, Transylvania is SINGLE!??! Ladies, get on this shit!

Steve: He's Eastern European minor royalty in a warlock collar.

Zack: He can regale with occult lore and Transylvanian history until you need a towel for your chair. Your creepy Eastern European antique chair.

Steve: All sex lights off and you must agree to mesmerism in the bedroom.

Zack: Must be open to Dormammu and the Ancient One.

Steve: "My dear, did I ever tell you about the elder circle of the golden order of Dorm Roomu?"

Zack: "If you hear any strange winds in the night do not fear, my sweet flower. It is only Baron Blood who will be visiting while his Nazi castle is fumigated."

Steve: I don't want this to ever stop.

Zack: It doesn't have to, Steve! We have only made it halfway through this book and there are three more books of these guys!

Steve: Shift Z Happiness, right here bro.

Zack: Class 5000 Joy.

Steve: Poor Mirth Control.

– Zack Parsons and Steve "Malak" Sumner (@sexyfacts4u)

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