Steve: I'm feeling pretty conflicted right now.
Zack: I wonder how she got that smallest ring around her waist. You think she got stuck in it when she was a baby and it just grew on her like that? Like that weird turtle that grew around the plastic ring.
Steve: On the one hand I know she's a prancing comic character dressed like an idiot, but on the other hand I sort of want to take all her pink handkerchiefs off with my teeth.
Zack: I completely understand. I spent about six months trying to figure out a way to marry that Eric Prydz aerobics video.
Zack: Turns out a mountain judge living in a cabin in Kentucky will marry you to just about anything except another dude.
Steve: You think I could marry this drawing?
Zack: Sure! And she's already got plenty of rings. Just take your pick.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.