Zack: The Turbo Clam has just set sail along the currents of the space ocean following a successful mission to the Planet of the Ants. The crew is settling in, having drunk their fill of space mead and chased their share of space skirts.
Steve: Captain's Log. Best ship departs on incredible voyage. Where it goes I know not, but one thing is for certain: whatever our destination, what we will find is surely adventure.
Zack: As the eight kobolds in your engine room - which you don't even have - are preparing to make the jump to spelljamming speed, you hear a voice bellowing through space: "Hey! Over here!"
Steve: Put it on the main screen, Eyehura.
Zack: There is no screen.
Steve: Shields up!
Zack: There are no shields.
Steve: "Who dares address the Turbo Clam?"
Zack: You look out over the railing of your ship and you see that a colossally huge man of great ugliness is drifting towards you and waving his arms to get your attention.
Steve: Is he colossal or huge?
Zack: He's colossal.
Steve: How big is my ship?
Steve: Our weapons will have no effect on such a big ugly man. Belay that order to blast him.
Zack: He seems to be gesturing to his back.
Steve: Alright, we're going to get closer until he can hear us and then Captain Widowmaker is yelling: "Who goes there?"
Zack: "Me Gump!" answers the creature. "Me back is covered in hurty things! Please get them off!"
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.