Zack: The Turbo Clam has just set sail along the currents of the space ocean following a successful mission to the Planet of the Ants. The crew is settling in, having drunk their fill of space mead and chased their share of space skirts.

Steve: Captain's Log. Best ship departs on incredible voyage. Where it goes I know not, but one thing is for certain: whatever our destination, what we will find is surely adventure.

Zack: As the eight kobolds in your engine room - which you don't even have - are preparing to make the jump to spelljamming speed, you hear a voice bellowing through space: "Hey! Over here!"

Steve: Put it on the main screen, Eyehura.

Zack: There is no screen.

Steve: Shields up!

Zack: There are no shields.

Steve: "Who dares address the Turbo Clam?"

Zack: You look out over the railing of your ship and you see that a colossally huge man of great ugliness is drifting towards you and waving his arms to get your attention.

Steve: Is he colossal or huge?

Zack: He's colossal.

Steve: How big is my ship?

Zack: Colossal.

Steve: Our weapons will have no effect on such a big ugly man. Belay that order to blast him.

Zack: He seems to be gesturing to his back.

Steve: Alright, we're going to get closer until he can hear us and then Captain Widowmaker is yelling: "Who goes there?"

Zack: "Me Gump!" answers the creature. "Me back is covered in hurty things! Please get them off!"

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.