Zack: The Turbo Clam has just set sail along the currents of the space ocean following a successful mission to the Planet of the Ants. The crew is settling in, having drunk their fill of space mead and chased their share of space skirts.

Steve: Captain's Log. Best ship departs on incredible voyage. Where it goes I know not, but one thing is for certain: whatever our destination, what we will find is surely adventure.

Zack: As the eight kobolds in your engine room - which you don't even have - are preparing to make the jump to spelljamming speed, you hear a voice bellowing through space: "Hey! Over here!"

Steve: Put it on the main screen, Eyehura.

Zack: There is no screen.

Steve: Shields up!

Zack: There are no shields.

Steve: "Who dares address the Turbo Clam?"

Zack: You look out over the railing of your ship and you see that a colossally huge man of great ugliness is drifting towards you and waving his arms to get your attention.

Steve: Is he colossal or huge?

Zack: He's colossal.

Steve: How big is my ship?

Zack: Colossal.

Steve: Our weapons will have no effect on such a big ugly man. Belay that order to blast him.

Zack: He seems to be gesturing to his back.

Steve: Alright, we're going to get closer until he can hear us and then Captain Widowmaker is yelling: "Who goes there?"

Zack: "Me Gump!" answers the creature. "Me back is covered in hurty things! Please get them off!"

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.