Zack: The Turbo Clam has just set sail along the currents of the space ocean following a successful mission to the Planet of the Ants. The crew is settling in, having drunk their fill of space mead and chased their share of space skirts.
Steve: Captain's Log. Best ship departs on incredible voyage. Where it goes I know not, but one thing is for certain: whatever our destination, what we will find is surely adventure.
Zack: As the eight kobolds in your engine room - which you don't even have - are preparing to make the jump to spelljamming speed, you hear a voice bellowing through space: "Hey! Over here!"
Steve: Put it on the main screen, Eyehura.
Zack: There is no screen.
Steve: Shields up!
Zack: There are no shields.
Steve: "Who dares address the Turbo Clam?"
Zack: You look out over the railing of your ship and you see that a colossally huge man of great ugliness is drifting towards you and waving his arms to get your attention.
Steve: Is he colossal or huge?
Zack: He's colossal.
Steve: How big is my ship?
Steve: Our weapons will have no effect on such a big ugly man. Belay that order to blast him.
Zack: He seems to be gesturing to his back.
Steve: Alright, we're going to get closer until he can hear us and then Captain Widowmaker is yelling: "Who goes there?"
Zack: "Me Gump!" answers the creature. "Me back is covered in hurty things! Please get them off!"
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.