Zack: A week has passed since your adventure with the colossus and his back problems. There hasn't been a lot of adventure around, but while you are drinking on the Mouse Planet you get a juicy lead. A dwarf miner is a little too far into his cups and he mentions passing over a planet with large deposits of a glowing ore called glod. He even gives you the location of the planet.
Steve: A planet with so much gold you can see it from space? Scotty, prepare the engines for maximum spelljamming.
Zack: It's glod not gold and there aren't engines on your ship. It's sails.
Steve: Don't tell me what I can't do, tell me what I can do!
Zack: You leave Mouse Planet bound for this mysterious planet of glod. After many days of travel you find the planet adrift in space. As promised large, glowing deposits of ore are visible near the north and south polar regions.
Steve: What about the middle regions?
Zack: Volcanoes. It's all volcanoes. Everywhere but the north pole is volcanoes.
Steve: Alright, landing on the north pole.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.