Zack: A week has passed since your adventure with the colossus and his back problems. There hasn't been a lot of adventure around, but while you are drinking on the Mouse Planet you get a juicy lead. A dwarf miner is a little too far into his cups and he mentions passing over a planet with large deposits of a glowing ore called glod. He even gives you the location of the planet.
Steve: A planet with so much gold you can see it from space? Scotty, prepare the engines for maximum spelljamming.
Zack: It's glod not gold and there aren't engines on your ship. It's sails.
Steve: Don't tell me what I can't do, tell me what I can do!
Zack: You leave Mouse Planet bound for this mysterious planet of glod. After many days of travel you find the planet adrift in space. As promised large, glowing deposits of ore are visible near the north and south polar regions.
Steve: What about the middle regions?
Zack: Volcanoes. It's all volcanoes. Everywhere but the north pole is volcanoes.
Steve: Alright, landing on the north pole.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.