Zack: Your light saber snaps open and you hurl it across the dressing room. It slices through flowers and a melon and bursts open a case of space Cokes and chops Yadda in half directly through his middle.
Steve: Oh no!
Steve: Long ways or sideways?
Zack: His head and arms go one way and his legs go the other way. He looks up at you in bug-eyed shock and says, "You gotta finish the concert for me."
Steve: Wait! Don't die on me, little buddy. Come on.
Zack: "I'm dead, man."
Steve: Is he dead?
Zack: You use your keen intelligence and determine that he is actually asleep. Your light saber cauterized his wound and he is just sleeping.
Steve: Lucky break for the Blurg-man. Alright, he has given me a sacred task and I have to complete it. Do I know any of his songs?
Zack: You feel pretty confident that you know all of his songs.
Steve: Okay, here's my plan. I'm going to take his top half and put it on my shoulders and just put his head through the hole cut in the brown sheet on my costume. Then I am going to hold his legs and get on my knees and sort of make it look like he is walking.
Zack: You feel like this is a great idea.
Steve: Awesome. Doing it then.
Zack: After a few minutes there is a knock on the door. "Five minutes, Yadda. They're all waiting for you."
Steve: How do I look in the mirror?
Zack: Looks great to you. Just like Yadda is alive and fine and wearing a huge Gorax costume.
Steve: Alright! Showtime!
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.