Zack: As you are searching for a means of escape, a star-struck Hutt girl shuffles out of the crowd and approaches you. "Yadda," she squeals, "I am your biggest fan. Can I get your autograph?"
Steve: "Of course, little girl. Can you put the pen into my hand and then crush my hand until it stays closed around the pen?"
Zack: She does exactly that and then holds up a head shot of Yadda for you to sign. "Can you sign it to 'Beth'?"
Steve: "With love!" I flop his little arms around to write the signature.
Zack: She seems disappointed by the totally random marks you made on the picture, but she's so starstruck she can't complain.
Steve: "Hey, any way you can carry me out of here? I really want to avoid the paparazzi."
Zack: "Sure, I have a barge right here!" The barge flies in, knocking over tables and crushing anyone who gets caught in its forcefield. Beth waves her arms around and her entourage lift you up and carry you onto the barge.
Steve: Once I'm on the barge I'm going to ask to use the bathroom and then flush Yadda's dead body down the toilet. I'll just walk out as myself acting like I was already there.
Zack: Great plan.
Steve: Do I gain any light side points for signing Beth's autograph?
Zack: You mean for signing her autograph with the severed upper body of the person she loves?
Zack: Of course, gain 20 light side points.
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.