If you were the sort of lowlife that hung around hobby shops and gaming stores in the mid-1990s you probably remember seeing a dusty copy of Synnibarr sitting on the shelf. You might have even picked one of the 477-page copies up, marveling at its possible uses as a bludgeon, door stop, or walnut smasher. Then you put it back, because no one in their right mind ever played it. Synnibarr is the creation of Raven c.s. McCracken, who envisioned it as "single-book system." This means taking every stupid thing you can think of in every roleplaying game ever made and distilling it into a single potent elixir of bad. The game was terrible, maybe the worst, which is why it is perfect for WTF, D&D!? Special thanks on this one go to loyal reader Ajoxer, who went to the trouble of sending us a review copy.
Zack: According to page "ii" the cover illustration was done by Andrew and Alex Posada. It depicts "a thermal drake breathing fire on a Mutant driving an antigravity bike while a Mage Warrior blocks the flames with a shield."
Steve: If only the Posadas had been able to work in a wicked skeleton king.
Zack: Readers, savor that description. In a book that seems to abhor brevity, there is your concise and accurate description of Synnibarr.
Steve: You forgot the part where you and your friends spend an entire day making your characters.Zack: Making your characters super awesome.
Steve: That part was implied.
Zack: So here we are, Steve. At long last. We stand before one of the monuments of 1990s roleplaying gone wrong. The magnum opus of Raven c.s. McCracken.
Steve: I feel sort of excited.
Zack: Like the first time you had sex?
Steve: What? No! That was so long ago. Like seven or eight or nineteen years ago or something. I have had sex so many times with hot babes I can't even recall such a distant primordial epoch.
Steve: My boner has been around so many ladies it's ridiculous, is what I'm saying. I am laying babes constantly. All week. I'm taking a break to do this.
Zack: Thank you for taking a break.
Steve: You're welcome, but I needed the rest. Because my boner is on fire from all that rubbing on babes. On their boobs and heads, etc.
Over the last few weeks an outnumbered but brave group of men calmly used facts and logic to conclusively prove that women are ruining video games with their lustful object bodies. But there are other threats to everything gamers hold dear.
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.