Steve: That's so Raven.
Zack: We have the hearts and imaginations, but not a ride from mom to the park and a laser and a million dollars and a talking dog and a mutant six-armed girlfriend that wants to sex us 24/8 because there are eight days now. Ravenday.
Steve: Honestly that sounds like the best thing. Raven rules.
Steve: Except for how awesome everything occult is. Like swords, ninjas, and mutants.
Zack: And how in our dedication we long to escape the mundane drudgery of our lives for the fantastic and magical realms of Synnibarr, where we're just one Mutant anti gravity bike ride away from being flame-broiled, unless we rely on the occult.
Steve: Yeah and also please ignore every other page in the book and also the picture of the author in the back.
Zack: You there, manchild. No, the other manchild. Fetch me my orbitz and nutrigrain bar. I need to recharge before I conjure the next 100 pages of another reality...
Zack: It is at least reassuring to know that even David Boreanz had a rough time in high school.
Steve: No way dude that is too nice. He looks like this guy Seth who used to date my mom when she was split up with my dad and he had one of those car-truck hybrids and he would come visit us still wearing his Bob Evans managers shirt and name tag and one time he brought over a lot of eggs. Like cooked scrambled eggs. We fed them to some ducks that lived in a pond out back of my mom's apartment, which was a whole other messed up story I don't even want to get into right now.
Zack: "Yes, I have more than one gladius. What of it?"
Steve: But the ducks ate the eggs. Which is seriously messed up and unnatural.
Zack: "Test me and I will be forced to purchase a third gladius."
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.