Zack: Yo yo I am a vampire, homes.
Zack: I'm the only black vampire in this book / naturally they made me a rappin' crook.
Steve: I got a 5 in strength and my head is square, use dominate 2 and take you back to my lair
Zack: Blood in blood out in my body I mean / spendin blood like ducats (which I recall from the 13th century) to impress the queen
Steve: This rap seems sort of unwieldy.
Zack: Keep in mind we're white people writing a rap being sung by a black guy that is all white for a book written and edited and read entirely by white people for a game that only white people ever play.
Steve: I saw a black guy playing vampire once.Zack: In person?
Steve: No. It was a Gen Con photo website.Zack: Probably just mislabeled the photo. I'm sure he was playing Star Fleet Battles like all true money hustlas.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.