TSR Doesn't Understand the Ocean
The Monster Manual contains a variety of marine life, both real and mythological. Mermen and Tritons share the page with sharks and sea turtles. There is a third category of sea creature covered by the Monster Manual. These monsters are very loosely based on real creatures, but they share pun-infested waters with catfish chasing mice and manta rayguns. These are dangerous waters, but waters the authors at TSR were always willing to traverse.
Zack: Do I need to say it? A seahorse is not a horse living in the sea.
Steve: It sort of looks like a horse.
Zack: Hence the name, but you can't ride one around or feed it a carrot. You can't train a seahorse anymore than you can train a lobster.
Steve: I saw a picture of a crab smoking a cigarette.
Zack: Smoking or holding?
Steve: It wasn't to its lips if that's what you mean. It was holding it in its claw. Let me look on search and see if I can find the picture.
Steve: Oh, wait, here I found a video and it puts the cigarette up to its lips: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbfFrVoc-gY
Zack: I don't even know how to argue with any of this. Crabs don't even have lips!
Steve: It looks like there are a whole bunch of videos of crabs smoking. It must be a real problem. They must do it naturally when they find cigarettes.
Zack: Can we at least agree that Hippocampus is a stupid name?
Steve: Yeah, this looks nothing like a hippo.
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Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.