Zack: Steve, this is too much to cover in one article. We need to save part two for Friday.
Steve: Am I going to get paid double?
Zack: We don't pay you anything.
Steve: That's not fair.
Zack: I wanted to thank you, though. I know you've been busy with bagging salad, but it means a lot to have a D&D expert like you involved in a project like this.
Steve: It's no problem, someone has to be here to stick up for D&D.
Zack: That's not the point. We're supposed to make fun of the dumb monsters.
Steve: Yeah, but you were picking useful ones, like the Lurker. Next time pick something like the Brain Mole.
Zack: Aaand you just ruined Friday's big surprise.
Steve: Oh, I'm sorry! Were we going to do the brain mole?
Zack: Yes. And now we can't. Thanks, Steve.
Steve: I'm sorry!
Zack: I knew I should have convinced Thorpe that it would be worth it to spend a whole night talking about Dungeons & Dragons.
Steve: Can I come back for Friday?
Zack: Yes, you just won't be talking about the Brain Mole.
Zack: You ruined the Brain Mole! No Brain Mole!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.