Zack: The plot of this adventure is boiled down into one big paragraph and a list of possible Tomb of Horrors locations. There is a demi-lich named Acererak. He filled a dungeon with traps and he has a treasure. That's it. The whole plot.
Steve: Most of the opening paragraph is a warning about difficulty. "You'll never find the demi-lich's secret chamber" and the tomb is fraught with "terrible traps, poison gases, and magical protections." It's telling you not to play the adventure.
Zack: Not just in that part. In the DM's notes section at the start, Gygax explicitly warns Dungeon Masters that if your players enjoy killing monsters they will be unhappy with the adventure.
Steve: "This module is only for parties that enjoy dying immediately and repeatedly." Oh, man, we're not going to play though this thing are we?
Zack: Not this time. We'll go through the map and cover some of the more sadistic sections.
Steve: Okay, I wanted to be sure, because I played through this once and it can end friendships. At the end of the first session my buddy Alex threw the book out the window and he never played D&D with us again. That's why my map has footprints on it.
Zack: I thought you said Keith bought it.
Steve: No, Keith found it. In the woods.
Zack: Blair Lich Project.
Steve: Very funny. When we're done with this I'm probably going to put it back in the woods. It's like one of those crosses made out of sticks, only scarier.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.