From: Sonia
Subject: Re:all the children are insane article

Maybe, instead of beating and using violence to teach these kids a lesson, you could actually try to talk to them in a humanly manner and try to "be on their side" for once and maybe they might be nice to you and listen. Of course no ones going to listen to you if you beat them. That's just saying to them "Here, I'm going to beat you because you're bad. And now you're going to hate me because I'm hurting you. And now you aren't going to listen to me," that's common sense, buddy. And how do you know everything about kids when you don't have kids of your own and like you said, the world that we live in today is extremely different to the one that you lived in as a teenager? And how can you say that you know everything about us just because you've "talked" to a couple of kids on your lawn, when all you've really done is yell at them, swear, and threaten them? And when you said "I usually try to capture the children in a large net so they can be punished for their crimes," what crimes are you talking about? The fact that they are alive? And then you ask "How else will they learn about respecting other people's properties if they are not shown by whipping their backs with a hot coil." They aren't going to respect you or your property if you beat them. Trust me, they'll just do worse things to you. Trust me on this, I know. I'm a teenager. And I can tell you right now, that the parents aren't just sitting there. They are working their asses off to support their children. And, what, may I ask, do you do as a job? Beat children just because they walked on your lawn?

And no, I don't think it's clear that isolating children will help the school system. And I could tell you a way to help these children. And it's a much easier way. And look! It doesn't cost as much money as building a new school and getting new teachers! Wow! Amazing, isn't it? It's called HELPING THEM. If you actually read my first email, you would have known this. But, no, I'm sorry, some of us are just too stupid and lazy and are too busy beating little kids to read something like that. And I also can tell you that even though kids might dress or act like they worship Satan, they really don't. And the artists are the ones that we should protect, because without them, our world would be nothing. How would you like it if our world didn't have any pictures, paintings, music, or anything else that decorates our world?

And yes, I do know that my first email was very disrespectful and I am inclined to say that I am sorry, but I just can't bring myself to do it because of the way you are treating other people. I don't believe that I should be nice to you if you aren't nice to other people, and me too. The same applies to your little plans of capturing little kids and torturing them, which, may I add, is illegal. It's the golden rule. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. That is the rule that you obviously didn't learn when you were young.

And you still haven't answered almost any of the questions that I asked you in my first email. I would appreciate it greatly if you did.

My ass I'm going to send you a picture of myself. If you send me a picture of yourself, I'll think about sending you a picture of myself.

Have a nice day, Sonia

Score! She's thinking about sending me a picture! This is the closest I've been to getting laid in years!

From: "Frolixo"
Subject: Re:all the children are insane article

I must admit that I just skimmed your last couple e-mails because they had a lot of words in them and I am a busy man. Please try to stay on topic instead of rambling on about your Barbie collection or whatever you were talking about. This is serious! I have been entrusted by the state of Michigan to help the children in need, and by jove, I'm not going to let a meddling kid such as yourself to muck up the whole affair!

You say that I am committing crimes by catching children in nets and teaching them lessons with hot coils? I think you are the one that needs a dose of medicine! These filthy, stupid, smelly beasts of children that dare defile my perfect lawn with their bikes is just one example of problems with kids these day. I came up with a new program that would "cure" these horrible tots. A re-education camp called "Frolixo's Fun Farm". A place where punishment is key, talking is forbidden, and armed guards makes sure no child leaves the program early. Children who refuse to obey will be taught manners with underwater boxes full of rats, as well being hung upside down with no food or cloths. Those who fail the program will be turned into a high energy fuel alternative to feed America's growing SUV population. I have not received funding for it yet, but things are progressing well.

There, I have answered all your questions you foul mouthed sassy child! I have attached my picture, so I will be waiting for yours.


Well this prank should be over. My plan of turning children into fuel for SUVs combined with my picture should tip her off that I'm not serious in the least. I prayed to God that she didn't respond, just to keep my small hope for the human race intact. It was not to be.

From: "Sonia"
Subject: Re:all the children are insane article

What do you do for a living?

What's this? I think she is gathering information for a FBI report. She may be more sly than she seems. Not really though.

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