Subject: Re: 1998 SOFTWARE 4 SALE
Hello, Jay! I'm starting to give up on Brad! Last night we got a call from the Anderson's, this Scientologist family down the street, who we're not friendly with (for obvious reasons!), and they said that Brad was seen stealing one of their canoe paddles! We went into his room to look for the paddle, and found a Marylin Manson CD hidden away in his underwear drawer! We've reached the ends of our rope with that shocking discovery! Mr. Manson is a purveyor of filth and should be put in jail forever! He is single handedly destroying the moral fiber of our nation, which is why I joined the Families Against Manson Society (FAMS)! It's tough being a parent, trying to raise your kids right, while ignoring filth like Manson, Ellen DeGeneres, Keannu Reeves, Bill Clinton, the Cannes Film Festival, "Quake", the Ford Motor Company, and the New Yorker! It seems the world is against us people who are trying to teach morality to our children!
Well, it's just been one of those days, I guess. I'm currently teaching Katey how to play "Wankey Island", another good educational game from HareSoft. I think she's too young for "Jesus Hunt", but we can still help her with the picture Bible we got her. Well, good luck to you sir, and I'll talk to you later!
Subject: Re: These are trying times!
Date: Wed, 04 Mar 1998 20:00:05 -0800 (PST)
From: jay huang
i found a few great titles for children age 3-12. however, the price was not as good as i like them to be. they have aobut 1/2 titles comparing with CYBERSCAPE at twice the price .. yikes. anyhow, i will give you the titles tomorrow just in case you would be interest it. i sold quite a few CYBERSCAPE software packages already, honestly with you, i think this package is the best bang for the buck. please
re-consider it. ^_^
(When will people learn that using the prefix "cyber" makes any product sound much more stupid? Just saying the word makes your IQ drop about 10 points)
As I write this, Brad now sits in the Carlson County Prison. He was picked up last night after some of the local Police caught him tearing down the periodic table of the elements down in Mrs. Nibb's science classroom. He also broke a real of the educational film, "Protein and You", and knocked over the movie projector. What could make a child develop such an intense and awful hatred for science? We are making him stay a night in jail to see what it's like to be treated like a criminal. After finishing this letter, my wife and I are going to take this computer and throw it into the junkyard, as we are convinced Brad has gotten these awful influences from Satanic, Witchcraft-promoting, evil games like "Quake" and "Frogger". This computer, while entertaining and educating Katey, has caused Brad to plummet into a downward spiral. Our community is outraged, and we feel we are to blame, since we bought the computer, which led Brad down the Devil's wicked path. Although the Devil is penetrating the moral fiber of other families, mostly ones in the inner city, I WILL NOT allow the Devil to enter our house, not even through a "Modem". I wish I could keep the computer and purchase your software, as it seems you are genuinely interested in helping people like myself, but I must try to keep this family together. Wish me luck, and say a prayer for me, as we try to lead Brad from the path of the wicked to a course for God.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
Our Something Awful email pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these email pranks are all - unfortunately - real.