Appearing In: WORLD'S FINEST COMICS #111
Artist: Dan Spiegel
Zack: Remember Dr. Bong? This was the artist's next project.
Dr. Thorpe: Really, if you have a big giant clock on your face, putting little clocks all over your suit is just belaboring the point.
Zack: "Oh hey, look at that clock on my desk. Yeah. This guy could have a clock face, like a watch face, yeah. And he could have lots of clocks. And his power could be to control clocks, like if the hero is fighting him on a giant cuckoo clock he will make the bird come out and knock the hero onto a giant clock with BLADE HANDS.
Dr. Thorpe: Alter Ego: William Tockman. Jeez, it's all so on-the-nose.
Zack: It's like he was destined to grow up and be Clock King! Everything in his profile is about clocks. It's like the stats next to a Playboy Centerfold and for every question including ones where it's inappropriate she has responded with "snuggling by a fire." What are your measurements: Snuggling By a Fire. Favorite Food: clocks.
Dr. Thorpe: Being a clock repairman must have given him really relevant preparation for becoming a professional criminal.
Zack: Marital Status: Single. What?! How?! THIS GUY IS A CATCH! "Oh Betty, I hear you're dating the clock guy." "NO! We went out once! ONCE!"
Dr. Thorpe: He's just one of those guys who's way too into one weird thing. Like those autistic kids who love trains.
Zack: That may be true to a point but autism usually doesn't make you replace your face with a train.
Dr. Thorpe: He's got a total sob story in his bio, too. I guess we're just supposed to feel sorry for this dork.
Zack: Like I'm reading that. What, did a clock kill his family or something?
Dr. Thorpe: No, he LOVES clocks. Maybe the opposite of a clock killed his family.
Zack: A sundial? An hourglass? Pure unmeasured chaos?
Dr. Thorpe: The last one, I guess. I think that kills a lot of people, though. Most people don't go all queer for clocks about it.
Zack: It looks like he's fighting with Robin Hood in the background of his profile. Maybe Robin Hood killed his family. Although I never really looked at Robin Hood as a metaphor for the unknown progression of time.
Dr. Thorpe: Well, maybe Robin Hood was always late for stuff. He seems like an easygoing guy. Clock King's first appearance was in something called World's Finest Comics. Somehow that doesn't seem right.
Zack: "World's Most Punctual Comics."
Zack: "World's Last Batch of Ideas Comics" In this final issue Clock King faces off against The Insidious Blank Frame.
Dr. Thorpe: "Minor Household Items Vs. Robin Hood Comics."
Zack: It says down at the bottom that Clock King doesn't have any powers. He just relies on his "devious mind." Based on that costume that just makes him all the more tragic. I'm sure in the final issue in which Robin Hood and his merry men finally take down Clock King they take the mask off and...gasp...it was William Tockman all along! The guy who was obsessed with clocks and worked as a clock repairman! What a revelation!
Dr. Thorpe: I'll bet all his dialogue is terrible clock and time related puns, too. "You'd better WATCH yourself, Robin Hood! Your TIME on this world is almost up!"
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.