Zack: I bet this one was set up right next to SKITTELS AMOUNT.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, my dad just happens to be an organic chemist, SO WHAT? Are you gonna fail me just because of who my dad is? That's RACISM.

Zack: Drosophilia Melanogaster proteins are probably "Coke" and Pollphenol Oxidase from Malus Pumila are "filthy pennies."

Dr. Thorpe: Nah, Drosophilia Melanogaster proteins are "vinegar" and Polyphenol Oxidase is "baking soda" and a malus pumila is a "papier-mache volcano."

Zack: Next year the person behind this one is totally teaming up with Reggie for "Ideal Pancreas III: We Literally Made a Pancreas."

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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