Zack: This is why you should never sneeze when you're a French cartoon character.

Dr. Thorpe: Look at his hands, he can barely manage a shrug. He's like "well, what the fuck ever, dude." He knows he's in a hopeless situation and he's pretty much resigned to it.

Zack: There's something really creepy about the way his face is outlined by the tube part. Like you could be operating some deep sea ROV on an oceanographic survey and you come across some weird landscape by a hydrothermal vent and it's all just these man-faced sponges.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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