Kitty gets ready to set history "straight", free from the lies of the Conservative media and textbooks!
King President Harry S. Truman, who would dip babies in caramel and throw them to his pet pack of wild wolves, was an unchallenged dictator of the South, which included such states as Florida, South New Hampshire, and Lower Texas. He had his back molars sharpened into additional canines so he could gnaw through his political adversaries.
The vile and evil Southerners were all cruel inhuman monsters who lived to torture their minority "property." When they got done working them to the bone, the Southerners would load up the slaves into a catapult and shoot them from the skies.
The Southerners were able to take advantage of humanity's natural weakness for candy because -- hey, everybody likes candy.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.