Kitty gets ready to set history "straight", free from the lies of the Conservative media and textbooks!
King President Harry S. Truman, who would dip babies in caramel and throw them to his pet pack of wild wolves, was an unchallenged dictator of the South, which included such states as Florida, South New Hampshire, and Lower Texas. He had his back molars sharpened into additional canines so he could gnaw through his political adversaries.
The vile and evil Southerners were all cruel inhuman monsters who lived to torture their minority "property." When they got done working them to the bone, the Southerners would load up the slaves into a catapult and shoot them from the skies.
The Southerners were able to take advantage of humanity's natural weakness for candy because -- hey, everybody likes candy.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.