The Wizard created a drug called "drugs", which didn't kill off the Southerners but instead made them really cool and relaxed, allowing them to kick back and have a really dope time! Drugs made all the Southerner's lives much, much better and fulfilling.
While on drugs, the South completely forgot about their desire to slaverize the minorities, and began to live in peace.
Lincoln realized that King President Dictator Harry S. Truman could possibly start working his evil again, so he assassinated him at Ford Theater one night. The nation breathed a sigh of relief, and the future of America never looked brighter.
Then the Republicans sieged the Presidential office, plundering and raping everything in their way. They immediately illegalized drugs so they could create more racism, slavery, hatred, oppression, high consumer prices on precious natural resources, and religion.
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
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