General Patton, who successfully defeated the Nazis in the Great War of Swimming Bulge Junction, was hired by the President of the North, Abraham Lincoln, who was 13 feet tall and half robot.
Patton tried over and over again to invade and conquer the South, but their defenses were far too strong. They had the Slave-Makin' Machine and the dreaded "Fake Hay", which looked like hay but was really a tank (which looked a lot like hay).
The Secretary of Magic, a position created for times of national crisis, was called upon to create a magic Anti-Southern potion.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.