However, just as their lovemaking started, it came to a screeching halt. The Commun-I-Tron 3000 screen in Ivanna's room suddenly lit up showing the horrible image of King Grabualsa, the evil King of the planet Mormon. He was a big fat ugly grub and he had a crown. And one of those king walking sticks, I forget what they're called but they look like wands or something. He had one of those.
"Haw haw haw!" The evil King Grabualsa chortled in an evil and vile way. "Well if it isn't Biff and Ivanna, my two archenemies! How are you two filthy humans doing?"
"King Grabualsa!" Biff shouted while pressing a button to teleport his underwear onto him. "What are you doing on our secret personal Communi-I-Tron system?!?"
"Haw haw haw! I do whatever I want, when I want! I care not about you, pathetic worm!" King Grabualsa hollered while dripping slime and gross things off his larvae-like body. "You are no match for me and my army of SuperRobots!"
"Oh no, SuperRobots?" Biff exclaimed while loading his Ultra-Cannon full of exploding flak shells. "But those were outlawed in 2973! And I destroyed your SuperRobot factory with Nucleon Bombs back during the Great War of Pandoria!"
"Haw haw haw! Your silly human-made bombs are no match for me! I have unspeakable powers! If I didn't, how would I have been able to capture Ivanna's father, King Phalenex?" The Commun-I-Tron panned over to reveal Ivanna's father, King Phalenex, being held captive in a laser prison cell.
"Oh no! Father!" Ivanna shrieked while springing to attention. Her nipples were rock hard too.
"You FIEND! You'll never get away with this!" shouted Biff while waving his fist in a very threatening manner.
"Haw haw haw, who will stop me? You? You are no match for me, Biff Strokenoff! You cannot find my secret Lunar Base which is cleverly hidden on the dark side of the moon! And even if you did, my defenses will blow you and your wisecracking car SARAH into tiny lunar pieces! And even if you got past my defenses, I have the SuperRobots to dispense of you! And if you somehow are able to destroy the SuperRobots, well, I have a really big secret even I can't reveal right now because of how deadly it is. And secret!" King Grabualsa took a deep breath. "So there you go. Oh yeah, and I'm giving you 12 hours before I launch a Neutrino-Missile at the Earth which will completely destroy it. Good-bye, human!" The Commun-I-Tron shut off.
"That fiend! I'm going to go save your father and destroy King Grabualsa once and for all!" Biff exclaimed while strapping some Exploso-Grenades to his moon jacket.
Ivanna ran up to Biff's side and clutched his arm. "No! It's too dangerous, Biff!"
"It will be very dangerous. But I am ready for any trick King Grabualsa will try to... trick me with." Biff confidently stated while strapping on his moon boots.
"Okay. Let's have sex before you go though."
They had sex. Then he left after having sex.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.