So I was doing my monthly MySpace check to see if I received any friends requests from someone who wasn't named "FREE XBOX GUYZ!". And I noticed one of my friends posted one of those stupid chain letters entitled 'No means no.' Now my first reaction was to say "Unless she means yes." Which made me giggle a bit so I started reading. The story goes that some girl has this guy friend and he just kind of rapes her. Now there wasn't any back story to it but I couldn't help but think of how long she had been leading him on. I mean there is no way that I would ever condone rape for any reason, but shit, sometimes girls certainly like to mess with you head and if you happen to be unstable well there you go.
I have some person experience with this (not rape). A friend of mine in high would always flirt with me and talk about making babies and whatnot. So one day I work up the balls to ask her out and she just kind of laughs in my face and says, "But Kevin we're just friends." Fine with me I guess. She went on to say how that I was 'too good of a guy' for her to be more then friends with and blah blah blah. So I kept talking to her until she got a new boyfriend and starting bitching about him to me almost everyday. Complete with the infamous line "I wish he was more like you." which drove me fucking crazy and ended up with me yelling at her and us no longer being friends.
I remember hearing a joke from some comic a while back and he had a nice analogy for being 'just friends' with a girl. He said it was a lot like going in for a job interview and them saying. "Well you're perfect for the job, but we're not going to hire you. In fact you're so good for this job we're going to compare your resume to everyone else's. We will NEVER hire you but we will give you a call from time to time to complain about the person we did hire." For some reason I found this to be the most true thing I've ever heard.
Personally I always thought it was important to be friends first and 'more then friends' second. So that when you're all old and dieing you don't spend every day staring at each other from across the table. You know, actually having thinks in common other then doing it.
Sorry to ramble but I am also reminded with a girlfriend that did the same crap but in a differnt way. It was the start of the last year of high school and I started going out with this girl and about three months into it she started bullshitting about being 'sexually frustrated' lets say. Now I take the, *clears throat* cue and try to put some moves on her, which she shoots down with a resounding "Stop I feel dirty." What the hell is that? She pulls that crap for another 3 weeks. "I want it bad." I try something. "NO I CHANGED MY MIND!" At the end of our 4 month relationship I had constant blue balls and my mind was a fucking wreck. One day in the middle of school I dropped to my knees and yelled at the top of my lungs to her. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME WOMAN!" Which netted me a suspension.
I apologize for rambling but I needed to get this crap off my chest. So fellow goons, what are your experiences with this. And goonettes? What the hell motivates you to do this stuff?
While I am typically against dating (it interrupts an otherwise comfortable schedule of work/drink/sleep/repeat), last night I finally acquiesced to the opposite sex for what I was hoping would be a relaxing Monday night out for dinner and drinks.
The first few hours went along smoothly. She wasn't bad to look at, and we shared various tastes, the kind you admit in small talk. Music, movies, etc. Boring date bullshit. I drank in my sangria slowly and, honestly, enjoyed the simplicity of not having to dig deep for answers and questions.
Dinner done, she decides she'd like to skip down the block to play some pool and drink beers. Sounds fun enough.
Somehow, toward the end of what would be the last game of pool that night we get on the subject of the war. We both share the opinion that going into Iraq was a pretty bad idea. (This is not D&D. I'm not here to fucking debate the war. I get it. Bush looks like a monkey and he sucks oil through his urethra. Also, he's Hitler.)
To caveat, earlier, discussing where we grew up, I mentioned my dad was a 25 year veteran of the Army, Death From Above, Airborne Ranger... a mean, badass, fightin' mutherfucker. I also add that I did ROTC, and opted out of my contract when the time came. It is, afterall, a volunteer Army.
She footnotes her opinion that the Iraq war is a waste with, "Actually, I think the military shouldn't exist at all." It's the kind sentence an Army brat hears and goes, ooooh boy, I got another one of theeese fuckers. It is an uncomfortable and nasty feeling. Like finding a fingernail in your spaghetti. She continues, "I think anyone in the military or even involved with our military is evil."
I stop her.
Me. "Did you... are you... did you listen to me? Earlier? When I told you how if there was a draft, I'd sign up in a heartbeat?"
Her. "Well I think that's stupid, and if you want to kill people, whatever."
Me. "Fine, your opinion... here. I'll give you an opportunity to solve WWII without the use of military force."
Her. "That's different."
Me. "How so?"
Her. "They used nuclear weapons against us!"
Me. "That.... that was us."
Her. "Well, you know what I mean."
At this point I am dumbfounded. I ask her politely to leave, as the date was over, and there was no recoevery. She was a little shocked, but, honestly? I work with morons all day every day, I shouldn't have to date them.
Her. "You're kicking me out?!"
Me. "No, I'm giving you a chance to save what little face you have left by leaving before me. I'm sorry, this just isnt' working for me, and I'd prefer to go home."
I felt tricked. For 2 hours, I sat convinced that this girl may be someone I might want to go out with again. I'd forgive her opinion of the military, I really would. People are entitled to dislike things. I get that. But the fact that she'd get history so fucking wrong just flipped a switch in me.
How are people this fucking ignorant? Hiroshima! Nagasaki! HOW DO YOU NOT FUCKING KNOW. HOW. TELL ME NOW.
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.