RushingCraze posted:

American Eagle, Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch. Not to throw generalizations here, but usually only douche bags wear that clothing and think they look good in it. Especially when everyone who they hang out with usually wears the same shit. Yet somehow these people think that wearing these brands elevates them above everyone else who doesn't wear them, even when you wear something nicer, but lacks the marketing that these brands have. I guess their reasoning is, if they didn't hear of it, it can't possibly be better.
Sexton McRampage posted:
You're not going to believe me (i wouldn't believe me), but I'll give it a go. I'll have to get the story verbatim from my friend, but i can at least explain what happened.

A friend of a friend (yeah, i know i know :), we'll call him Joe, was at the midnight premiere for 300 in Imax with a bunch of guys, and these 2 women come in and sit down, waiting for the movie to start. Well it turns out these 2 women were in the wrong theater, and they discovered this a little late. But they started yelling "I think we're in the wrong fuckin theater, lets go" and arguing. "We're in the wrong theater, we're in the wrong theater, this is the wrong fucking movie!"

At this point Joe stands up and shouts at the top of his lungs "THIS IS SPARTA!" He then proceeds to KICK THE WOMAN IN THE CHEST, DOWN THE THEATER STAIRS. She ended up getting injured, and he was arrested for assault, and last i heard from him he was waiting for his court date which was in early April.
TheNextDanSmith posted:
Fucking glockenspiel. You're not a marching band, you're not whimsical, you're not charming, and you're stupid xylo-bells aren't adding anything to the soundtrack of this dysfunctional family comedy/drama. If you're going to put a glock in your song, at least let the fucker get its own line or arpeggio. Let it have a fucking function in the song aside from just playing in unison with the melody. What a cheap way to seem creative.
A R posted:
I went to the movies with my gf and got there around 2 hours early as it was opening night and we wanted to try to get good seats. While we waited I decided to try to win some racoon stuffed animal(from one of those pixar movies) from the crane machine. After wasting around 10 bucks on getting the damn thing halfway to the hole I gave up, telling my girl that its impossible. We decided to then get on line to get some popcorn and soda for the movie then no sooner did 5 minutes pass till some little fat fuck 10 year old kid runs up to me with 3 stuffed animals from the machine saying "werent you the one who was trying to win that doll? well I picked up 3 with one shot!" I felt like beating the little fat bastard up! my 2nd best option was spitting on his back(which I did). anyways, thats something that happened while I was at the movies!
A R posted:
And Nickleback. Go the fuck away. Fucking please. And all these $cashhoesbitches rappers. I wish a holocaust upon them. I cant drive down the street without some fucking poofter in a 15 year old civic covered in neon lights farting his way down the street blasting NIGGA BITCH WHAT HO NIGGA ASS WHAT. This is why I blast shit like Feindflug and Hanzel und Gretyl when I'm tearing ass around town in my curb-mocking/garbage can propelling jeep.
IIPunnII posted:
First off don't read this thread thinking I have the capacity for murder. I do but I wouldn't kill this man.

Truth be told I know practically nothing about him. He is a nice guy, quiet, reserved, and dignified. I haven't started living with him yet that starts in 5 days. I am beginning college. I have a problem though. A very serious one at that. I cannot tolerate people. I find people like delicious foods. God damn do I love them, but if you give me too much of the same shit, I get so very sick of him. And I've done it time and time again. Ripped really nice people new assholes for no reason. In retrospect they did nothing wrong, I just got sick of them and yell and make myself look like a total douchebag.

But here's the thing, I really don't want to do this. My roommate is a nice guy, and if I ever did it would make the rest of the year very awkward. I really don't understand what it is but after a while of hanging out with the same person, I find a flaw, or really anything that bothers me and it just fills me with rage. It can be something as dumb as not being able to hold a conversation whenever I want (yes I am selfish). It happened when I went to Europe with my friend's family. Yes my friend payed for the trip and took me and I still had the spoiled and idiotic asshole-ness to, in fact, get incredibly angered with him.

So basically, what can I do. I try time after time to not let things bother me but for whatever moronic reason they always do. Should I avoid him a bit? Or just be the quiet one from here on out?

Quick side note: I did once get so fed up with someone that without thinking I hit them and ended up spraining (like big time, soft cast for a few weeks) their ankle and severely bruising their back.
More The Great Goon Database

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.