Late last month I went to Arizona and here is what me and Moof did:
Livestock: I want to punch so many people in the world but my poor fists are not up to the task.
Moof: so weak...
Livestock: hey tom,
josh here just saw your message calling me weak and wanted to set the record straight: you are the weak one!!
Moof: hey josh,
looks like there was a little misunderstanding so i wanted to clear it up - you are the one who is weak.
about your last message. i guess you were probably drunk or feeling pretty insecure when you wrote it, because you're not usually such a rotten liar. i'll just disregard it and stand by my initial statement.
wishing you all the best in the coming years,
Moof: hey josh this is tom, just w
Livestock: just what
Moof: i d
Livestock: type like a normal person
Moof: thought experiment: duckburgers
Livestock: not a good one ducks are a bad source of food
Moof: have you ever even eaten duck
Livestock: i'm offended you even had to ask
Livestock: the question is: have you eaten duck
Moof: yes of course
Moof: i have
Moof: many times
Livestock: what does duck taste like tom
Moof: kind of like dirty chicken
Moof: the meat is darker than chicken
Moof: and stringier
Moof: it's not that great
Livestock: so how is this going to make for good burgers
Livestock: people will see through your lies
Livestock: do you think you can really fool people
Livestock: are you that delusional
Moof: josh the masses are easily fooled
Livestock: you can fool some people
Livestock: but not with burgers
Livestock: burgers are like the hot dogs of non-hot dog foods
Moof: burgers schmurgers
Livestock: tom as a string theorist i disagree
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Moof and Livestock discuss life, love, human nature, and all the most important issues affecting humanity.