I do impersonations and voices very well. Just before climax I have done:
GollumMister RogersYodaThe skeksis from The Dark CrystalA murlocMario ("LOOWEEGEE")Various Pokemon
I have also asked her to "TAKE MY GO'ULD LARVA, IT REQUIRES A HOST" shortly before penetration.
I'm such a terrible boyfriend.
My worst day ever fucked me up forever with a deadly phobia of bees. When I was eight during summer vacation I was swimming around in my pool, my foreign, foreign grandma (Babci) was inside watching. I wanted to get out so as I was walking to the door a bee flew up my swimming trunks and stung me on my right ass cheek, the mother fucker. That is the first time I had been stung, so naturally I screamed and started crying, and Babci came running outside, threw up on the deck, PULLED DOWN MY PANTS, and started sucking the poison out of my ass cheek. No bullshit.
"Real" fetishes:Blood. It has to be present in my mind or reality for me to cum. I'm glad we aren't banning in this thread, because I am a patron of gurochan.Albinism. Easy to live with because I bleach the shit out of my hair and therefore resemble an albino. When I see an albino - ahem, person with albinism - I just want to rip their clothes off and fuck them, regardless of gender.
Turn ons:Anal. Giving it. I like fisting and rimming a lot.Older men, about 5-10 years older.
For context: 15 year old girl here
Of course, for almost a year, Anne had been allowing me more or less weekly trips to her apartment. There, I would take the old cross-gate elevator up five floors, penetrate her tight snatch, grab her soft creamy ass and leave her dripping with my cum. And Anne's snatch was incredible.
You see, it was just small enough that I really had to work myself in to her. Her lubrication was viscous and sparse - combined with her tighness there was this deliciously slimy friction. And it was covered in coarse, thick black hair, her inner softness a prize for parting it - not that brazilian wax shit, smooth like some fourteen-year old. It provided a biting roughness on the base of my shaft when I took her from behind. Anne had the cunt of a fucking woman.
Seeing another man moving in to kiss her in that dream - I knew how easy Anne was, knew how the kiss and the olive drinks would lead, at that very same party, to her letting him bend her over a bathroom sink, skirt pulled up and thong to the side, no condom - seeing him move in like that just fucking consumed me.
When wifey was lactating, she always told me to make sure there was enough left for the baby... yummy!
Oh god, what happened to that link someone posted a while ago about a dude (or lesbian?) who made yoghurt from his girlfriend's vaginal yeast infection and ate it on a daily basis?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.