Chapter One - Where Do You Want to Fail Today?
With the recent booming economy, influx in job opportunities, and relax in legal definitions of "sweatshops", the workplace has never been so dynamic! Jobs await you at every nook, cranny, and swollen orifice of the slummy city you undoubtedly reside in. Here is a brief list of hot and new potential positions I compiled while waiting for the motorized bus yesterday:
As you can see, the list of opportunities out there is full of many plentiful and rewarding positions. Some of them even have dental insurance. Now that you've found a bland and menial position you'd like to fill, let's move on to Chapter Two and learn how to razzle and dazzle your potential boss at Bob's Wicker Hut with a resume so impressive he won't be able to resist letting you have sex with his wife and teenage daughters.
Ariana Grande? No way! Here's a podcast that looks squarely at Ariana Grande and says, ‘No way!’
TECHNICALLY A DOG - I have expertly subdivided a horse to create what is, scientifically speaking, a dog. I have done this 10 times before and plan to keep doing it forever!!! $400. 555-2466
The water got bigger? my sand castle was destroyed and we had to move. Who did this?
Something Awful Guides can help you, the Internet reader, make the most out of your life and just might possibly end up getting you incapacitated or killed!