Chapter Three - Knock the Pants off that Ass! (page 5)
Huzzah and hooray! Mr. Kyanka is now looking "sharp as a thumbtack", and ready to nail that job like a cheap whore! Although you may not be able to discern it from the picture, our subject has even taken a bath! This brings up two very important points:
1) Personal hygiene is very important. Be sure to bathe regularly.
2) Bathe BEFORE dressing yourself.
I cannot stress how important that these two steps be followed in the order they were written. Nothing screams out "unprofessional" quite like a person wearing a wet, soapy mess of an outfit! Take some pride in how you look and remember to bathe BEFORE dressing! If you do not own a shower or bathtub, I would recommend using a neighbor's pool. If no pool is available, try breaking into a YMCA and using theirs. If there are no YMCA's near, go down to Wal Mart and rub those mushroom-shaped air fresheners all over your private areas. If they are out of air fresheners, invite your boss to interview you near a meat rendering factory.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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