~Connor~: I mean a woman knows exactly what another woman needs and she can give it to that other woman and it will help heal the wounds of Zack's condition and how Huck ignores me.
~Connor~: Sometimes just talking is enough, sometimes it takes more.
~Connor~: WTH, indeed. I'm sorry, I'll change the subject. What do you look like, Jeanie?
Udreamofjeanie: im pretty short, my husband says i have a getto boody i need to go to the gym more is what i think
~Connor~: Mmmm, that sounds hot. I have long red hair and I am very shapely. I'm getting all excited talking to you and my breasts are straining at the fabric that contains them.
Udreamofjeanie: thats nasty dont be talking like that
~Connor~: I can't help it, Jeanie, the thought of your getto boody is inflaming my deepest passions. I am touching myself through my panties and it is starting to get wet south of the border, if you know what I mean Jeanie.
~Connor~: I'm kissing you to shut myself the fuck up, Jeanie. Our hot lips press together in a torrid embrace and my hands rove over your body.
~Connor~: BRB gonna move to the sex chair.
Udreamofjeanie: hello are you still there?
Udreamofjeanie: well thank you for talking to your son about his homepage
~Connor~: Sorry, I'm back Jeanie. The pulleys got stuck again and I had to oil them to lift me into the chair. Left a hell of a mark on my legs. Now where did we leave off?
Udreamofjeanie: i g2g
~Connor~: No! Don't go, I'm just settling in and I never get a chance to talk to a real woman like you. What with Zack's condition and the constant strain it puts on my life.
Udreamofjeanie: im not into this sort fo thing
~Connor~: You don't have to be! Just pretend! It's just like the Land of Make Believe. See, there's the trolley and that's the Internet carrying my passion to you, and there's Prince Tuesday, soft and smooth, always polite. And there's Lady Elaine whose reddened face matches the engorged flesh of my womanhood.
Udreamofjeanie: ok i guess but i g2g soon
~Connor~: Thank you! You're so beautiful, Jeanie. I've wanted to do this since we first met.
Udreamofjeanie: ok you are beautiful too dakota
~Connor~: I pull you against me with my strong arms and let my fingers trace down your hips to play with your succulent backside.
Udreamofjeanie: im kissin ur neck
~Connor~: I slowly unbutton your blouse with my teeth, exposing your pert breasts and pink nipples to the cool air. My breath is hot on your skin and my tongue swirls around each in turn.
Udreamofjeanie: ooh thats nice
~Connor~: I slowly slide your skirt down past your thighs. My fingers reach between your legs and massage the damp cleft of your womanhood through your cotton panties.
Udreamofjeanie: im startin to get worked up
Step One: Salvage a ridiculous chair from a race car or a fighter jet. Now it will support your ridiculous body as you play a virtual card game.
Leonard Cohen's "Nevermind" is sliced up differently for each episode of True Detective's second season. Find out what the lyrics mean!
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.