I'm sure most of you have been bothered once or twice on AIM, ICQ, or MSN by some anonymous jerk trying to get you to follow a link to a porn website. For reasons unknown I have recently been getting a lot of these messages. Usually I have the good sense to ignore them, but a few nights ago I decided to joke around with one of them. Things didn't really pan out, they stopped replying after a few minutes and it wasn't really funny. Apparently it was noteworthy enough to get my ICQ number passed up the foodchain to some sort of porn spam supervisor. He/she was more than willing to talk at length about hot girl on girl action and so we did.
DebbieH: Hello Sir!
Zack: I've already heard the pitch
DebbieH: One of my HOT Girls (as in GIrls on Girls, hehehe) told me that you might be interested in our site!
Zack: Oh yes, I found it to be magical and I already signed up and signed my friend up.
DebbieH: Who is your friend???
DebbieH: Oh, So Louis likes Girls On Girls??
Zack: No, he hates them. But I think it will be pretty funny to say "hey Louis, look what I got you" and then he'll get really mad when he sees a girl lying on top of another girl.
DebbieH: Oh. Why doesn't he like girls on girls? Do you have any other friends who like girls on girls??
Zack: I'm not sure why he doesn't like girls on girls. I think it's because he is a holocaust survivor. He doesn't like it when people are lying on top of each other.
Zack: And yeah, I have LOTS of friends who do like girls on girls.
DebbieH: Oh, that's terrible!!
DebbieH: I mean about the Holocaust, not your friends. Could you tell your friends about our site????
Zack: Maybe, but what's in it for me?
DebbieH: Lots of SEXY! Girls on girls!
Zack: I don't know about that. It sounds suspicious.
DebbieH: Oh, how! Maybe if you told me why I could clarify it a little for ya!!
Zack: Well, are the girls willingly lying on top of each other or are they being forced to? And how SEXY are they? SEXY is pretty subjective.
DebbieH: OH, they enjoy it!!! They also get payed quite a lot of money
Zack: How much money? Could I get paid to lay on them?
DebbieH: They are VERY sexy!!! If you look VERY hard you wont find sexier girls!
Zack: I am willing to entertain offers.
DebbieH: I'm sorry we aren't looking for men right now!!!
Zack: How do you know I'm a man?
DebbieH: Excuse me for being presumptuous! Are you a man?
Zack: I don't feel like I should tell you if I am or not after your little deception has been discovered.
DebbieH: Oh, what deception!! I'm just trying to tell you about our HOT HOT HOT!! Girls on Girls!
Zack: Is it okay that I'm only 15? It seemed to let me sign up okay.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.