From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: deeper look
No the whoole Lawsuit was just to get your attention I'd just like if you would take snaFu off your website
So that was it? The lawsuit was over? Mr. Crabs had won the case in a single email? This was a new record, even for him! Needless to say, it felt like a hollow victory. Months of preparation for this simple defeat? We wouldn't give up that easily! Time to take the offensive!
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: deeper look
Dear Mr. SLIPKN5417,
I would love nothing more than to take down Dr. Fred Malalavich's psychological assessment of SNAFU's mental abilities, but I unfortunately am not able to do this. Under the contract he forced us to sign in order to write for SA, we are not legally able to take down any of his works under the threat of becoming one of his psychological experiments in a project dubbed, "The Maze of Unspeakable Terror." We are not quite sure what this study is about, but we don't like the sound of it. Dr. Malalavich hinted that there may be flamethrowers involved.
In addition, Mr. Leonard Crabs was very dismayed to hear that you would not, in fact, be suing us (as you had previously threatened). Mr. Crabs was so depressed that he has decided to sue you and the band you're representing, "SNAFU" for (I'm quoting here):
"Municipal technicality (implied) breach of associate contract regarding potential lawsuit action / counteraction"
Mr. Crabs said that threatening somebody with a lawsuit and then failing to sue them is an illegal action which can result in a lawsuit for "lost time and / or wages." In this case, Mr. Crabs has been preparing legal documents, research, and various lawn clippings for the "SNAFU vs. Something Awful" lawsuit for the last five months (as stated in the previous email). Since Leonard could've spent this precious time investing in trampoline stocks or knitting the yarn jumpsuit he's been working on, he has deemed it necessary to file a countersuit against you and your band, SNAFU for failing to sue us. You can either agree to sue our site or make a lengthy apology on your page, explaining how sorry you are for threatening us with your lawsuit. Either way there will undoubtedly be a legal battle involved, one which will ultimately end up with Mr. Crabs humming the Olympic theme song in a really loud voice.
Please drop me an email and tell me how you would like to proceed with this. I look forward to working with you.
-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
I thought this reply was very considerate and thoughtful of us. However, the "SNAFU Crew" didn't think so.
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Out here in the Wild West we got some rules for gunfightin', like a pregnant lady ain't gotta be carryin' iron for you to draw on her first.
Many people love to threaten to sue us. Luckily we have both Leonard "J." Crabs and common sense on our side, thus enabling us to easily defeat such trivialities. Remember - when you're on the Internet, you can threaten to sue for anything!