From: [email protected]
To: Lowtax
Subject: apology

Here is your Apology below,

FUCK YoU
SnaFU Crew
motherfucker

I was appalled! I was mortified! How could the band SNAFU, which I had trusted and put my faith in, turn around and stab me in the back like this? Fortunately, I am a very kind and forgiving man, so I sent them the following email giving them another chance:

From: Lowtax
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: apology

Dear Mr. SLIPKN5417,

I have run your apology by Mr. Leonard Crabs, who instantly leaped to his feet and shouted, "Burn the infidels!" I don't think I need to say that this is indeed a "bad thing." Upon further discussion with Mr. Crabs, he explained how your apology lacked the sincerity that he originally desired. Fortunately, he gave explicit instructions regarding how to correct this. Please follow them exactly and we will consider dropping our lawsuit against you.

1) Replace the words, "FUCK YoU" with "Something Awful (especially Leonard Crabs) is the greatest."
2) Please add the phrase "has the combined IQ of Tupperware" at the end of "SnaFU Crew."
3) Take out the word "motherfucker" and include a recipe for a delicious chicken casserole.
4) Add the words, "Something Awful is the best site on the Internet, even better than http://velocity.net/~galen/index.html" to your webpage where your current rant about Elton John on the front page is.

If you have any questions, feel free to email me. I look forward to working with you.

Thank you,

-Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

...and thus ends the correspondence so far. If any major events occur in the current "SNAFU vs. Something Awful" battle, I will post them as soon as I can, for the benefit of all mankind.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Legal Threats

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Crisis at the North Pole

    Crisis at the North Pole

    The 17-century battle between Santa Claus and Satan reaches an unfortunate peak.

  • Christmaspasta

    Christmaspasta

    The unSlender Man is a humanoid male with a rotund belly and jocular disposition. He is described as wearing a red suit with white trim and a matching hat. While it is rare to catch a glimpse of the unSlender Man, victims say his footprints in the snow are visible for days after his visits. Thats right, you guessed it- idts the big man Santa Claus.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.