Hydrogen: Ah, the age-old technique of seduction by ball-flashing.
Trillaphon: Tiananwomen Square will never forget this - the day this mountain of a man, this mythical adonis hoisted himself up on his mighty pommel steed and said "I Will Not Be Intimidated, I Will Not Be Controlled, I Will Not Adhere to Gym Dress Policies or the Timeless Oppression of Tight, Junk-Tyrannizing Undershackles-"
Hydrogen: ...I had 50 jokes ready about this scene, but none of them can possibly begin to approach the pommel horse in the middle of "Tiananwomen Square". Carry on.
Trillaphon: "REMEMBER BOYS, THEY CAN TAKE OUR MEMBERSHIP CARDS AND COMPLIMENTARY LANYARDS, BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!" And so it was, that day at the Hanging of the Brain.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.