Overview: What could be better than a stupid 80s frat party movie? How about an upside-downsy bizarro 80s frat party movie where the uber-nerd gets all the girls, all the time?
Directed By: James Frawley, 1985
The Case For: There's some minor nudity, which might come in handy if there's a nuclear apocalypse and all you have in your bunker is a VCR and the contents of a Blockbuster circa 1988. Also, probably the most embarrassing thing Tim Robbins has ever done/will ever do.
The Case Against: You know it's a half-assed spring-break movie when even the tiny micro-nerd you get to play the clueless virgin is ripped under his ill-fitting cargo shorts and polo shirts.
Hydrogen: Finally, after all those stupid zombie movies and Terminator ripoffs, it's time for a well-deserved vacation. A Fraternity Vacation.
Trillaphon: Or as it's called in Brazil, "A Primeira Transa de Um Nerd".
Hydrogen: Yes, Fraternity Vacation, a timeless story of love, coming of age, and spring break in the quiet town of WOOOOO, Florida - Population: WOOOOOO!
Trillaphon: I guess spring break does have a certain mystique if where you go to college it snows so hard the world literally becomes monochrome:
Trillaphon: This clip also introduces the star of the picture, Wendell, a socially-crippled little lawn jockey who enjoys astronomy, destroying fun wherever he goes, and soiling himself as a defense mechanism against women who would already never have sex with him if their lives depended on it.
Hydrogen: Even for a brainless '80s college frat party movie, Wendell is a ridiculous caricature. He makes Rick Moranis look like Conan the Barbarian sitting on a throne made of human skulls.
Hydrogen: We can't get too focused on him, though, because that would sell short the other assorted booze-addled frat boys, who spend half the movie in a lame contest to see who can date rape some random woman first and basically ignoring Wendell.
Trillaphon: Yep, this is basically two movies that have nothing to do with each other playing at the same time.
Hydrogen: Specifically, it's She's All That except as a depressed postmodern Swedish mood piece where everyone is a rapist, and then Encino Man with Tim Robbins and a creepy little mouth-breathing gnome who goes around pantsing himself and getting arrested for attempted rape.
Trillaphon: Two great tastes that taste great together. Although I also got a hint of Demolition Man from the weird aerobics and/or dry sex scene.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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