Overview: What could be better than a stupid 80s frat party movie? How about an upside-downsy bizarro 80s frat party movie where the uber-nerd gets all the girls, all the time?
Directed By: James Frawley, 1985
The Case For: There's some minor nudity, which might come in handy if there's a nuclear apocalypse and all you have in your bunker is a VCR and the contents of a Blockbuster circa 1988. Also, probably the most embarrassing thing Tim Robbins has ever done/will ever do.
The Case Against: You know it's a half-assed spring-break movie when even the tiny micro-nerd you get to play the clueless virgin is ripped under his ill-fitting cargo shorts and polo shirts.
Hydrogen: Finally, after all those stupid zombie movies and Terminator ripoffs, it's time for a well-deserved vacation. A Fraternity Vacation.
Trillaphon: Or as it's called in Brazil, "A Primeira Transa de Um Nerd".
Hydrogen: Yes, Fraternity Vacation, a timeless story of love, coming of age, and spring break in the quiet town of WOOOOO, Florida - Population: WOOOOOO!
Trillaphon: I guess spring break does have a certain mystique if where you go to college it snows so hard the world literally becomes monochrome:
Trillaphon: This clip also introduces the star of the picture, Wendell, a socially-crippled little lawn jockey who enjoys astronomy, destroying fun wherever he goes, and soiling himself as a defense mechanism against women who would already never have sex with him if their lives depended on it.
Hydrogen: Even for a brainless '80s college frat party movie, Wendell is a ridiculous caricature. He makes Rick Moranis look like Conan the Barbarian sitting on a throne made of human skulls.
Hydrogen: We can't get too focused on him, though, because that would sell short the other assorted booze-addled frat boys, who spend half the movie in a lame contest to see who can date rape some random woman first and basically ignoring Wendell.
Trillaphon: Yep, this is basically two movies that have nothing to do with each other playing at the same time.
Hydrogen: Specifically, it's She's All That except as a depressed postmodern Swedish mood piece where everyone is a rapist, and then Encino Man with Tim Robbins and a creepy little mouth-breathing gnome who goes around pantsing himself and getting arrested for attempted rape.
Trillaphon: Two great tastes that taste great together. Although I also got a hint of Demolition Man from the weird aerobics and/or dry sex scene.
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.