Trillaphon: Ah, nothing sets the mood for a nice killing spree like the All-Asthmatic A Capella Choir chanting about their favorite food additives.

Hydrogen: Dr. Suspense to the dry ice machine and creepy choir wing, paging Dr. Suspense to the creepy ward ASAP.

Trillaphon: I'm pretty sure this is the hospital where David Lynch was born.

Trillaphon: "No no no, you want Radiology up on 6, this is floor 5, all the odd numbers are Horror Floors."

Hydrogen: Not that the protagonist/screaming lady minds that her HMO sent her to Evil Death Hospital. Nobody in this stupid movie has the slightest shred of situational awareness. Not one goddamn person. People get murdered by guys standing two feet in front of them.

Trillaphon: Hospital Massacre: filmed on location inside a gravedigger's asshole.

Hydrogen: That still doesn't explain the hospital full of people ignoring the woman screaming bloody murder all night long. Or the piece de resistance, when she tells her boyfriend she'll be back "in a minute" and then he sits there and waits for twelve hours. Parked in the clearly-marked fire lane.

Trillaphon: The killer might actually have great situational awareness and we just can't tell because instead of murdering her he keeps riding three cars behind her on Epcot center's new wildly controversial "Helen Keller: The Ride".

Hydrogen: It's the visual, horror-movie equivalent of 4'33". You make up your own climax with the power of imagination!

Trillaphon: I tried that, but all I could come up with was "and that's the story of the worst Burning Man ever."

Hydrogen: Burning Man 2: Oppa Gondor Style.

Special Effects-6
Music / Sound-9

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

More Reviews [Movies]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.