Trillaphon: Oh no, it's a horrible monstrous alien uber-crab! Well, okay, it's just a regular crab, but it's really big! Look how big it is! Also, it's the color of a boiled crab because this movie was made by mouth-breathing hog sloppers!
Hydrogen: Hi there, I'm Joe, the cannon fodder. Just standing here so a monster can come along and gruesomely murder me. Doo de doo.
Trillaphon: Yeeeeep, annnny minute now. Should be GHRYRAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRLNGFFUUUHH
Hydrogen: Damn, he was just 2 days away from retirement too. Fat pension and everything.
Trillaphon: They can teach you everything in the academy, everything except how to deal with watching an 80 foot tall crab snip your best friend's head off like a frozen yogurt coupon.
Hydrogen: I'm sure the healing process involves lots of dick jokes and quiet hoo-ahs.
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
People can't stop talking about this Donald Trump character. He's said a lot of crude and hateful things over the years, and demonstrated a tremendous lack of judgment, discipline and decency. If you ask me, he's not fit to be our president. In fact, he's not even fit to be mayor of Buffoontown.
Nightmares Fear Factory is BACK, baby!
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.