Hydrogen: 'Admiral Rogers, sir? We have a problem. We lost contact with one of the rotisseries over an hour ago, and we're afraid the chicken might not be getting toasty golden brown on the outside while remaining mouth-wateringly juicy on the inside, sir.'
Trillaphon: '...My God. Get me the president.'
Hydrogen: 'Sir, the Space White House was just destroyed, we watched it live, right here in this room, don't you remember?'
Trillaphon: 'I always knew this day would come. Lieutenant Schaeffer, I believe I'll take my 4 piece dinner with two sides and flaky buttermilk biscuits in the state room tonight, and I'm not to be disturbed. Once you've seen to my bib & mustache comb, I want you to sound general quarters and give the order to abandon ship.'
Trillaphon: 'That's an order Lieutenant, not a request. The silent countdown has already been set, and by the time I have finished my new Kennylicious Sizzlin Ranch-Dipped Roast Pork Quesodeala combo meal - complete with spaghetti muffin - and the last bittersweet chords of what will surely be the most hickory-smoked honey-spun tenor rendition of Islands in the Stream ever performed on ornate pipe organ, this ship and any who remain on it will vanish with me into the cold indifferent silence of space.'
Paleo guru and definite non-idiot Luke K. clears the air about some of your favorite pumpkin treats this holiday season. Also he weighs in on the controversy surrounding a paleo wedding cake.
One wizard thinks our President's magic control initiatives have gone too far.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.