Trillaphon: That is the worst analogy in the history of the English language, for so many reasons. I'm sure she was relieved to die from having a flaming rose shoved down her throat after having to listen to that.

Hydrogen: Apparently human trafficking involves more leather trenchcoats than a Mad Max movie, and guys with slicked-back hair who think they're philosopher kings for some reason. Now I'm convinced it's a serious problem we need to wipe out as soon as possible.

Trillaphon: The whole "Napoleon" thing makes it seem like he and Seagal are life-long nemeses, but as far as we can tell from the rest of the movie, they've never met before.

Trillaphon: I want to learn the martial-arts school where wild falcons follow you around all the time and screech for dramatic impact.

Hydrogen: And where you can astral project your giant bloated head over the sky to terrify children.

Trillaphon: Going by the quality of the swordsmanship here I'm going to guess the bad guy had a personal fencing coach, and Seagal had a personal catering team of six.

Hydrogen: And so, Steven Seagal wandered the forest forevermore in search of more injured animals, because they are biologically the only ones who cannot escape his crushing presence.

Trillaphon: Amen.


Plot-8
Acting-10
Special Effects-6
Directing-8
Music / Sound-6
Overall-38/50

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

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