Trillaphon: That is the worst analogy in the history of the English language, for so many reasons. I'm sure she was relieved to die from having a flaming rose shoved down her throat after having to listen to that.
Hydrogen: Apparently human trafficking involves more leather trenchcoats than a Mad Max movie, and guys with slicked-back hair who think they're philosopher kings for some reason. Now I'm convinced it's a serious problem we need to wipe out as soon as possible.
Trillaphon: The whole "Napoleon" thing makes it seem like he and Seagal are life-long nemeses, but as far as we can tell from the rest of the movie, they've never met before.
Trillaphon: I want to learn the martial-arts school where wild falcons follow you around all the time and screech for dramatic impact.
Hydrogen: And where you can astral project your giant bloated head over the sky to terrify children.
Trillaphon: Going by the quality of the swordsmanship here I'm going to guess the bad guy had a personal fencing coach, and Seagal had a personal catering team of six.
Hydrogen: And so, Steven Seagal wandered the forest forevermore in search of more injured animals, because they are biologically the only ones who cannot escape his crushing presence.
Trillaphon: Amen.
| Plot | -8 |
|---|---|
| Acting | -10 |
| Special Effects | -6 |
| Directing | -8 |
| Music / Sound | -6 |
| Overall | -38/50 |
–
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