Trillaphon: As usual, I like our cut of the movie way more. Sadly, in the real movie there's more of a buddy cop thing going on between those two.
Hydrogen: Han Yolo and Partially-Melted Japanese Snow Chewbacca, mercenaries for hire.
Trillaphon: Little Jon C. Reilly of Nottingham, at your service, m'lud.
Hydrogen: I would have been your daddy, but an albino wookiee beat me over the fence.
Trillaphon: Nothing will ever help me comprehend that stupid bipedal furbag and its continuous barrage of ball-gargling noises.
Hydrogen: Maybe it was supposed to have a speaking role, but the actor in that suit is deathly allergic to tainted sheepdog fur. Besides, the retard noises are nothing compared to what it looks like. Check out the ridiculously, show-stoppingly out of proportion legs. Even your garden variety Bigfoot hoaxer wouldn't be caught dead looking like that.
Trillaphon: Let's talk about the face. More specifically, the fact that there fucking isn't one. It's like somebody kidnapped a furry cosplayer and held their face under a bunsen burner for a few hours. Nic Cage had more of a face left after getting atomic death-swirlied into the frialator in Deadfall.
Hydrogen: I get more of a "tried to undergo radical facial transplant surgery ala Face/Off and woke up halfway through with his face completely ripped off and then just decided 'eh, good enough' and wandered out of the lab like that" vibe.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
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Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.