Trillaphon: That little demon-monkey thing loves his goddamn job. We could all learn a lesson from Gorbo.
Hydrogen: Gorbo lives for Mondays. And for cocaine, which he is paid solely in. Cocaine and Mondays.
Trillaphon: He's like the anti-Garfield.
Trillaphon: I'm really unimpressed by the evil sorcerer king though. He has to constantly trick the world's most gullible preteen, and he still loses to the ultra-powerful spell of "Cherry Bomb in the Soup Cauldron" and throws a dwarf-disintegrating tantrum.
Hydrogen: One of the cornerstones of magic in the Lost Kingdom seems to be disintegrating dwarves like it's going out of style, for some inscrutable reason.
Trillaphon: What is it with these movies and killing dwarves/midgets? Is it, like, a fetish or something? Or some kind of zany off-the-rails PG-rated magical eugenics experiment?
Trillaphon: Also, where do all these little guys just keep coming from? Is there supposed to be an assembly line or something where elves or robots or elven robots assemble midgets piece-by-piece and then ship them out to the front lines to get exploded by ninja death stars and wizard lasers?
Hydrogen: I'd accuse the writers of breaking the fourth wall when that lady actually says "We're running out of dwarves", but I don't think they have any idea what the fourth wall is.
Trillaphon: That means she actually broke the fifth wall, a feat previously only accomplished by Tom Bombadil accidentally blasting a hole through his cottage roof while masturbating.
Hydrogen: I think union bylaws normally prohibit us from making two Tom Bombadil jokes in one review, but we have to now because I can't live with being the only person stuck with that mental image.
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Self-driving pizza delivery cars were an invention never meant for this world.
A sign proclaiming "BACTA: DA FUTURE" marks the town's medical clinic
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.