Trillaphon: That little demon-monkey thing loves his goddamn job. We could all learn a lesson from Gorbo.
Hydrogen: Gorbo lives for Mondays. And for cocaine, which he is paid solely in. Cocaine and Mondays.
Trillaphon: He's like the anti-Garfield.
Trillaphon: I'm really unimpressed by the evil sorcerer king though. He has to constantly trick the world's most gullible preteen, and he still loses to the ultra-powerful spell of "Cherry Bomb in the Soup Cauldron" and throws a dwarf-disintegrating tantrum.
Hydrogen: One of the cornerstones of magic in the Lost Kingdom seems to be disintegrating dwarves like it's going out of style, for some inscrutable reason.
Trillaphon: What is it with these movies and killing dwarves/midgets? Is it, like, a fetish or something? Or some kind of zany off-the-rails PG-rated magical eugenics experiment?
Trillaphon: Also, where do all these little guys just keep coming from? Is there supposed to be an assembly line or something where elves or robots or elven robots assemble midgets piece-by-piece and then ship them out to the front lines to get exploded by ninja death stars and wizard lasers?
Hydrogen: I'd accuse the writers of breaking the fourth wall when that lady actually says "We're running out of dwarves", but I don't think they have any idea what the fourth wall is.
Trillaphon: That means she actually broke the fifth wall, a feat previously only accomplished by Tom Bombadil accidentally blasting a hole through his cottage roof while masturbating.
Hydrogen: I think union bylaws normally prohibit us from making two Tom Bombadil jokes in one review, but we have to now because I can't live with being the only person stuck with that mental image.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
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Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.