Amid all the tentacle porn and revealing costumes, the anime convention is a hotbed of friskiness. Could it be the perfect place for an unshaven man in a backwards sweater to find anime romance?

Play it cool, Dave. Just saunter up and stare blankly. Let her make the first move. Hmm, she doesn't seem to be going for it. Well, okay, there are plenty of fish in the sea…

Holy shit, she's got her arm around me. Just gotta stand perfectly still so I don't scare her away… Oh, fine, she was just in it for the photo opportunity. I won't lie, I'm a little bit heartbroken, but I'm sure I'll find someone to share my anime experience with.

Is it my imagination, or is this girl kind of checking me out? And… wait a minute… she's not wearing any pants. Jackpot! Just be cool. Girl with no pants right next to me. What do I do? What does "Glomp" mean? Come on, Dave, don't mess this one up…

"You're not even going to glomp me?" she asks coyly.

"I'm not really sure what that means," I sheepishly reply.

In anime terms, I think this means I just got laid.
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