The Poorman's Honey Crisp Apple

The this is so disgustingly sour if someone told me it was genetically identical to vomit I would not be surprised in the slightest Apple

The Michelle Obama wanted children to eat, like, four of these every lunch but most just ended up in the trash Apple

The Me in Apple Form Apple

The Jesus I knew we should have gone apple picking earlier in the season because this is the only apple left Apple

The mealy afterthought garbage excuse from a continental breakfast at the bedbug infested motel you stayed at when your dumb friend guilted you to go to Comic-Con, promising a fun weekend, but then he just spent the entire time dressed as Deadpool while making really forced and outdated "the cake is a lie" jokes Apple

The PineApple hybrid touted as 'the next big thing' by the orchard, but really makes you question the ethics of GMO use within the modern food industry Apple

The why the hell did I take fifteen of these--I don't even like apples Apple

The I don't think you're supposed to eat that Apple

The every other tree on the orchard is swarming with idiots perfecting their Instagram selfies, so I guess I'll just grab a bunch of these Apple

The next year I'm going to just go to the grocery and get a dozen of these at 1/1,000th of the cost Apple

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

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