This weekend I received a partial leaked script from a friend of mine working behind the scenes on the CBS remake of The Six Million Dollar Man. It seems like it might turn out even better than the excellent remake of The Bionic Woman, but we'll have to see. No word on when it will air, but there are rumors circulating it may actually run opposite The Bionic Woman if that show returns for a second season. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy the partial script sent to me by my friend.
EXT. STUNT PARK - Day
STEVE AUSTIN and MELODIE JENNINGS are at a skateboarding stunt park frequented by teenagers. The kids are all worked up and cheering. Steve is about to perform his big stunt on a skate ramp. NATHAN DARKALON watches from the edge of the stunt park.
Steve Austin, no one has ever tried this jump before. It's too high!
Melodie Jennings, you are sweet, but I have got to do this for my dad who died in Iraq.
He would want you to be safe. Stay safe.
Are you chicken, Austin? Are you gonna do this or what?
Steve kisses Melodie and then straps on his camouflaged helmet. It has his dad's name on it, ROCK AUSTIN, and a hole where the sniper's bullet killed him. Steve says a quick silent prayer to a Christian god and kicks off down the ramp. He picks up speed, faster and faster.
CUT to awe-struck crowd reactions. SLOW MOTION of Melodie yelling.
Steve explodes into the air, flying higher and higher. He's going to make it. He's going to make it. CRUNCH! His head hits the ramp, his body twists completely around. Steve is DEAD.
SMASH TO BLACK
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.