If you have been on Milton Street here in Bethesda, just outside the Mecha Proving Grounds, you may have noticed the new addition to the Lonely Dog statue which commemorates all fallen private military contractors. A statue of a very smart little girl is now reading to and petting Lonely Dog. We call her the Wise Girl and we hope you enjoy the symbolism she holds for women in defense development systems and private military solutions.

Vextor Defense Corporation, manufacturers of the Helix-18 air defense system and developers of the Panoply area denial drone are proud to celebrate the women who help make our industry so much stronger today. Vextor's nine-person board is led by five women, making Vextor the first strategic combat solutions firm to include over 50% women on the board of directors.

In fact, the Reaper initiative to replace American ground combat troops with our Eliminator X5 quadrupedal combat unit was spearheaded by board member Constance Graves, formerly Production Lead at Total Decimation Systems and CFO of Yutani Heavy Weapons. It was her idea to replace one of the X5's minigun arms with a rotating blade, saving our customers expensive ammunition fees and providing unique close-quarters capabilities for the X5.

Across the industry, things are getting better for women. This year alone, women have developed more types of cluster munitions and incendiary bullets than men. Texalico's burrowing bullet that seeks out the brain no matter where the bullet enters the target? A woman! British Arsenal Technology's highly-concentrated acid foam that can melt through a tank in seconds and reduces organic matter to a slush that can be hosed off the streets? Here's a hint: not developed by a man.

In the coming year we hope to offer expanded opportunities for women who wish to advance Vextor and the industry in developing bleeding edge warfare technology and providing new paradigms for aggressive defense solutions. With new markets opening up in Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Qatar, and possibly the Continental United States, we need women more than ever to bring their perspective and knowledge to our industry. Five years from now, we hope a woman designer will have her first main battle tank.

In conjunction with our Wise Girl statue, we are announcing the SHE Program.

SHE, or Sentient Howitzer Enterprise, will combine Vextor's proven battlefield decision matrix for artificial combatants with the workhorse 155mm howitzer platform used around the world. This aftermarket upgrade project will be led completely by women, serving a unique opportunity for our women engineers and leaders to demonstrate the solutions they can bring to your long range force projection in the coming years. With over 100 years combined experience in artillery, our all-woman team has already pledged maximum Time On Target with minimum fuss for your forward commanders.

We are not only honoring Vextor's women leaders in defense development; we are celebrating ALL women in the industry, from the women working the production lines assembling spider tanks in Mexico, to the women divers working on the finishing touches to America Deep, the last redoubt of American values located over six miles underwater, to the women who write the leaflets America drops over urban areas to warn that we will be inserting our ground based drones to patrol their streets. Ladies, we salute you and we look forward to increasingly positive outcomes on the battlefield.

At Vextor, nothing devastates quite like a woman and we are proud to be following their lead! Feel free to have your picture taken with Wise Girl to celebrate girl power!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2017 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.