Being a good woman is the only way to attract a good man. A good woman is sexually desirable, able to operate effectively in public places without incident, is quiet to aid in stealth and capable of discrete self defense. You must become a good woman if you wish to advance.
A grooming routine is crucial to being a good woman. Moisturize regularly. Model women can be helpful. Identify a good woman and imitate her gait. Hair yourself as she hairs herself. Identify the source of her secretions and capture some in a dropper or slizzer into her dwelling to gather soiled garments to disguise your scent. Begin each day by spreading these soiled garments in your sleeping pit. Roll atop them to acquire her musk. Remove the quills of your pleasure area. Practice smiling at dogs.
Intake food rich in protein and vitamins. Beast eggs are good. Do not eat animals that you find already dead. Cook your food. Cook your chickens and apples and bread. Bowl them and steam them and put them into a fire. Very few worms live in fire. Sometimes food is as tough as defensive chitin. Use citric acid solution to predigest difficult foods and be sure to chew with your mouth. A healthy diet must be paired with regular exercise. Move your limbs in circles, travel from area to area, flex your clusters, exercise your pleasure area with obscene methods and battle foes that test the limits of your wits and endurance.
Slough your day's tissues and secrete your night sheath. Upon the morrow, apply a base foundation of flesh coloring. Use bold woman colors to enhance your characteristics. These are blue, red, indigo and black. Remember: red the mouth, blue the eyes, black for camouflage, indigo is forbidden. You will want to avoid spiral designs and repeating patterns that you might otherwise find attractive. Look at yourself in mirror and say, "I am an adult human female." Say it until you feel it.
You must also wear clothing. No longer the jumpers and bogglens of youth. It is time for you to grow up, my dear, and don your uniform of womanhood.
|APPROPRIATE CLOTHING||AVOID THIS CLOTHING|
the sex dress
business sex dress
bad sex dress
jumpers and bogglens
shitty hell dress
Remember: these are not your permanent skin, these are costumes you wear. If you make a mistake, change clothing. If they are damaged, you are not actually hurt and never throw yourself in the garbage because clothes are soiled. Do not be discouraged if dogs become riled up or snappy in your presence. Slizzer away from them or emit a gust to confuse them. Men are not so sensitive.
Doing a flirt is key to male attraction. Men like the following locations: torso (front and back), face (all parts), hair (top or bottom front), abs (sixpack), butt, legs, feet. Move these locations to provoke men. Show him your face first and then turn and show him back torso and butt locations. Turn again and show him legs front and feet. Try asking him about himself. It can inform you about him and let him know that you might be interested in mating.
Here are some good questions to know about males:
Are you venomous?
How many foes have you brutalized?
Do you eat animals you find already dead?
Have you been treated for parasites since then?
What macroscopic parasites have infested you in the last 30 days?
Can you make a nest with your saliva?
What is your estimated lifespan?
Have you eaten in the last six hours?
Men regularly eat mates, particularly if the man is hungry, so you may want to cook food for the male. Purchase a sauce and apply this to protein for him. Serve with bread.
When you have decided to commence bedroom action with a man, there are certain techniques every good woman should employ to enhance the experience. Put your foot up on the bed and unroll your hose. Display your dangle and creases. Drip on him.
Talk dirty things into his canal such as:
Do a horrific thing with him as much as he wants. The more you do it, the less it will feel bad. You probably will not die from this (but maybe??).
Not all good women are mated to males. Some good women are what is called a false male. These good women do all of the things described above, but do not have a mate for whatever reason (poor musk, discordant call, excessive slizzering), so instead of being a mate they work at a job. It is not as honorable as being a mate, to spawn and to have hatchlings piled on your back and suckling at your nozzles, but a life as a false male can be tolerable. You can still be a good woman. Dogs may even stop growling at you.
Hopefully this helps you become a good woman. You do not want to be a bad woman. A crime woman. You do not want to write sex poems or pull out a knife blade to menace. To talk out of turn and slizzer for no good reason. A good woman is exactly what you must be.
You must be.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.